twenty six

I’m a bit miserable at the minute. These things pass. They always do.

My moods, they’re waves on a blank shore.

It’s stupid to talk about undiagnosed mental issues you think you may have, but i do sometimes wonder if i’m bipolar. It’s silly, but i even just did a quick bit of research, which, i guess, i do too often, and it fits. Cyclothymia or Bipolar II Disorder seem to be the most likely culprits. It’s actually kind of scaring me a bit reading all this, which is silly. You should never ever diagnose yourself or read too much into the qualifications of diagnosis unless you’re a trained professional, which, at this point, i am not.

But, yeah, it’s all there, really. I don’t think i’ve ever had full on mania, but i would probably say that hypomania is a good descriptor for me a lot of the time. Sometimes i hear music, you know? Not even music i know, but music that’s inside of me, i guess, or somewhere between my ears. Bah, i could go on about how i get, but most of you know me. And, yeah, depression rears her ugly head pretty frequently, but i know how to please her better than i used to, so she flies off to bother some other poor miscreant.

Maybe i’m just a moody kid, though. It’s probably mostly that. Despite all my instabilities, i keep my balance well enough to not fall off.

Anyway, don’t read too much into those disorders up there. My mind’s just all over the last couple days and i’m feeling a bit down in the mouth.

Ennui, yeah?

January’s a terrible time to be alive.