I couldn’t sleep and now it’s tomorrow and i fear it means i already lost today’s battle before i was ready to begin it. Not tired, though. Just cold.
Also, tonight, or last night, i guess, time being what it is, persistent, i met the prettiest girl i’ve met in Korea, though Korean she’s not. Another american, but she looks french and i already forgot her name, which is just a habit of mine, not remembering who or what, and i hadn’t even imbibed, just a beer at dinner hours before. She was hitting on me, which is the way i prefer it because i don’t like to approach people, typically, and she was pretty, so pretty, slight with dark hair and almond eyes. She said she liked the way i danced and i told her she was too pretty not to, so we did, but i left early, and i can’t remember why, but my eyes stung from smoke and it was too hot. I wasn’t even in a mood, but i left and i guess i should have a good reason why, but i never do. Was there with three other girls, maybe. Me, i mean, was there with three other girls and, i don’t know, for some reason it seemed rude of me, maybe, so i guess i left because i’m silly and vain. I didn’t get her phone number because i don’t have a phone and can’t remember her name because i never do, but i remember her face, her grace, her charming embrace, and i’m truly a ridiculous man, maybe too lost in a continent where everything’s backwards and the letters are not what they claim, conditional, is what i mean, and i never know where i’m going but i keep finding home in these kind strangers, their smiles and cheers, their laughs and their tears. The sky’s opening and it’s sunrise already, always too soon, and i mention it because it’s why i’ll not sleep till tonight. The sun, i mean, because my entire wall is a window and i sleep too lightly to remain in repose whilst Apollo races cross the fitful firmament.
Oh, to be young! These ransomed nights, these reckless days! She smelt of vodka and the stale smoke that clung to every inch of that filthy bar thick with desire, but her sweat was pleasant and i should’ve tasted it in private, far from prying eyes, but c’est la vie! The life of a scoundrel, never for me, to give love with such ease, an evanescent tease! A gentleman, despite my proclivities, my debauched follies and drunken fits, i remain the fairest of the unfair sex in a world gone mad, starving for sex. I find it distasteful, at times, and maybe that’s why i didn’t kiss her goodnight but i loved her for that moment, which is the way i give my love away, moments at a time that i store and keep, never to slip through my fingers, and often i need not the tangible kind, the temporal love with the moans and the groans and the toes touching toes. A smile, most days, most nights, is enough to keep me warm, enough to keep me coming back for more, but i slept not a wink and so the mind, she races so, back and forth, her hips and her hair, her hands everywhere.
Oh, to be young! To be reckless and free as the person that is me!