i lost the best part of life

Lily Belle is dead. Even typing that, even knowing it is too much for me. I can’t stop shaking or crying. It hurts. Everything hurts but I can’t even name where it hurts, how it hurts. I feel like the dead. Lost. Miserable.

She’s dead and she will never be here with me again. I’ll never hold her again. I’ll never even see her again.

I’m destroyed, far past broken.

She’s not just a dog. She was forever more than that. She was my everything. My whole world. The center of my everything. She was my best friend, my oldest friend. She was there when I went to sleep and when I woke up. She was there through every bad moment, through every good one. She kept me alive. She pushed my heart, made it keep beating, made me breathe, gave me something worth breathing for.

When I talk about love I talk about Lily.

She kept me safe, kept me free from loneliness. She was there to comfort me, always. Through all of my darkest moments and days and months, she was there. She held me up.

And tonight she died. She vomited her life away.

I’ve been dreading this for years. She was fourteen.

I can’t even speak. All I can do is type.

All the words are dead and gone but I’m still here. Without her.

Goodnight, Starchild.

i have only the memories

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