I met a girl who changed my whole life. I feel drunk from just her words, from just the thought of her.
It’s indescribable, in its own perfect way. I’m learning a language I never knew existed, and she teaches me, with each shared moment. She is the sun caressing me to wake, from the dream that was my entire life.
I’ve never felt this way.
The way she creates the universe, the moon and the stars, the way she invents me better with every passing day. She is the ocean and I am the shore. She is the sky and I am the earth. She’s galactic, a supernova birthing reality.
She’s inside me and all around and I hope to remain this way forever and one more day.
There’s a part of this trip through france that will always feel the way that song makes me feel, that says everything I want to say, that is everything I want it to be.
Impermanence. A word that lives so deep inside me it’s maybe always been all of me.
This transient life racing everywhere because I want everything, to be everywhere, to see and do all that I can with my sure to be too short life. And so I wanted to fade and never worried about how nothing lasts.
Even gods die, even suns supernova out, and one day there will be no more days, no more universe, no more everything.
And it comforts me, still. To know that I’m but a part of this endless phasing out.
But I want this to last.
You made me feel at home, for the first time in a lifetime of running. To just be near you.
And I fear that we will only be Dreams. You will be mine and I will be yours.
Our shared dream reflecting in one another’s eyes, refracting into thousandths, into only photons until we vibrate and shine as one only to come undone by thousands of miles and the millennial caverns of the heart.
So please, remember me.
It’s funny how strangers can become so much more. How the world looks different after meeting you, how it sounds and feels and tastes like I’ve never been here before.
And it’s beautiful and sad and maybe even cruel, to have to end it here, like this.
I don’t want it to end.
Had one of the best weekends of my life in Nice.
About 70 pages into my travelogue, too, which maybe I’ll publish on amazon for free, for the interested. Though that means transcribing it, which is surely a pain.
Anycase, back to america tomorrow. When I upload photos and so on I’ll talk more about my weekend.
Been sick most of my time here and it’s been overcast for even longer but the clouds seem to be parting, ever so slightly, so I’ll venture out soon to get some dinner and maybe wander a bit more. Who can say what this wild heart will do?
Remembering Islands right now and how much I used to like them. New album is why.
Such weird dreams I’ve been having here in Toulouse, whilst being ill.
But I’ve lost the illness, or most of it, and so, too, the dreams’ve run away like stallions.
you being in love
will tell who softly asks in love,
am i separated from your body smile brain hands merely
to become the jumping puppets of a dream? oh i mean:
entirely having in my careful how
careful arms created this at length
inexcusable, this inexplicable pleasure-you go from several
persons: believe me that strangers arrive
when i have kissed you into a memory
slowly, oh seriously
-that since and if you disappear
ask “life, the question how do i drink dream smile
and how do i prefer this face to another and
why do i weep eat sleep-what does the whole intend”
they wonder. oh and they cry “to be, being, that i am alive
this absurd fraction in its lowest terms
with everything cancelled
-what does it all come down to? love? Love
if you like and i like,for the reason that i
hate people and lean out of this window is love,love
and the reason that i laugh and breathe is oh love and the reason
that i do not fall into this street is love.”
None for me but I give this to you, my loves: Sleigh Bells new album.
I wanted to put a picture of a pretty lady here, but I do that too often, probably.
Haven’t updated in a while because I’ve been in France, and, though I’ve had time, I’ve not had the ambition. Just was in Nantes the other day where I couldn’t not sing this:
I’m super sick right now, which is why I am finally updating. Been having a wild time here. So many pretty girls. Too many. The hostel in Paris was great fun with lots of young hooligans getting reckless, though that’s maybe why I’m sick now.
Been keeping a travelogue of sorts here with me, though it’s rather sporadic and reflective, as it probably has to be. Way too much about my dog, maybe, though how could I ever talk too much about my favorite part of life? And maybe it’s fitting that I discuss the dead while I travel because maybe we’ll see her again soon. Was crying, even, on the train yesterday, hundreds of miles from here, thousands from home.
This hostel’s rather opposite the Parisian one. While that was designed for a traveller to meet others and become one with the city, this one’s more designed for the live-in guest, methinks. My roommates are old and have been here for weeks, apparently. There’s no common room here or really any place to congregate, so I probably won’t meet anyone in Toulouse. I hope to do some exploring but all this cold mixed with this sickness might make it just become a place to recover, because I’d rather miss Toulouse than Nice, which is where I’m off to next.
I met a girl who looks like this
I never knew that Belgium would be a place I’d think about, but Belgian girls are cool. Pretty, too, and maybe one of them is the source of this illness.
Too much love.