twelve thousand

That’s about how many words I wrote today. And I can now see the rest of the novel coming into shape. The more I write, the clearer the visions become, and I know what needs to be done. The polyphonic portion of the novel is finished. I didn’t really know the novel would have three distinct parts, but I do now. And the first part is more or less complete. I mean, I may go back and add more to it, but the feel of it exists mostly right.

Part two is going to be shorter than part one and I should hopefully be able to write all of it tomorrow.

Part three may be the shortest part, but it may be as long as part one. It’s hard to say right now but it’ll be an extended monologue that subverts the rest of the text, while also being all lies, casting shadows and doubts on every word that exists in the novel. It will also, I think, be more linguistically versatile and confrontational.

So, I’m excited to write that, though it’ll be much more of a challenge. Hopefully I can write all of part three on Saturday, and then edit, rewrite, add more on Sunday. And then edit, rewrite, subtract on Monday, and then submit before the deadline. Hopefully this works out for Broken River Books. If not, it may be a better fit for Lazy Fascist or New York Tyrant, who is apparently accepting submissions right now.

What else?

Watched The Yellow Sea, which is the follow up to the amazing The Chaser, even having the same actors, but working in opposite roles. The former protagonist is now an antagonist and vice versa. But, yeah, it was pretty great and intense. Around the midpoint, I had no idea how there was going to be another hour, and I kept waiting for it to collapse in on itself, but it just kept building and building. It’s exciting and somehow perfectly paced. It has such an interesting rhythm. I don’t think it’s as good as The Chaser, but it’s definitely worth watching.

Read Magdalena: A Fable of Immortality by Beatriz Escalante today, which was great. I bought a bunch of these novels by contemporary Latin American novelists at the Twin Cities Book Fair, and I’m very excited to finally be reading them. This was a pretty great place to start. It’s not brilliant or anything, but it’s enjoyable in all the right ways. I probably won’t have time to read a book or watch a film tomorrow, with all the writing I need to do, and with going to dinner at 730. Life gets in the way of novelling sometimes, but it’s usually worth it.

Anyrate, thought I’d share another chapter.


We all ate her. The others will lie to you but we all ate her. She wanted us to. The gods gave us her flesh from their own mouths and we accepted it, greedily. She told us to. Even through Death, we heard her talking. She still speaks to us.

No, I wouldn’t trade eating her for anything. It was the most profound experience of my life. I’m not endorsing cannibalism, but this was something different. It was unbelievably intimate.

When you’re with the gods, existence shifts. You can’t think of life the way you do out here. It’s different. You’re walking amongst gods! And then they wrap their arms around you and hold you down and dive inside you. When you’ve been adored by a crowd of lusting gods, you can tell me that I should change my ways or that I’m sick, but until you’ve tasted infinity, I’ll just keep pitying you and your limitations.

It’s not even that you’re feeling with all their bodies, like your skin is stretched over every inch of skin for miles. It’s that you feel the Cycle, and it pulses through you. You’re throbbing and coming and your limbs become the branches of the Tree, your bones become the earth itself, and your blood is the wind or the molten rock a thousand kilometers below our feet or the neverending rain.

And then when we ate Angel. Oh, I’m shuddering, fuck. I’m coming just thinking–

Let me catch my breath a minute. But feel me. Feel how wet I am. Fine, I’ll show you.

You see, it’s so much more than cannibalism. That’s not the right way to think about it. It’s a celebration. Angel gave up her name and her body and entered eternity. She’s now a part of the Cycle, along with Jiyun.

They both speak to us. There is no grave any longer. There is no Death. There is only the Cycle, so don’t think of the consuming of flesh as cannibalism. That’s far too grotesque and limited.

When I tasted her flesh I became a star. Eternity stretched before me as an ocean and I stood at its shore with the child goddess dreaming all of this. I saw the Dream weaving existence. I looked back into the past and followed the threads far into the future. The past, present, and future wrapped round me and I saw the lives of everyone present that day. I saw the history of the gods and their lives repeating endlessly backward. It’s why they don’t rely on any of the technology we need to survive. It’s also why they’re stealing the scientists’ equipment.

They’re trying to teach you all what it means to live.

To live is to die and to die is to live. We are nothing but Dust and Dust is all of us.

The gods don’t need answers to life’s questions because they accept what life is. We are all meant to be a part of the Cycle and history spirals in all directions on a loom at the hands of the child goddess, who dreamt all of this, and will dream it again. So search for your answers and tell me I’m sick and depraved. I have nothing to prove to you. I have nothing to say to you.

I am a servant of the gods, and soon I’ll be one of them.

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